Brian Schwarzmann

Remember: He is a PhD student.

You might get a sense of me by looking at the following:
Resume
Some of the many articles I think are interesting
What I want to get out of grad school
Some of my old life before grad school
a picture of me looking fat with half dome  in the backgrounda photo of me and my middle daughter. I know she looks sweet, but she is a programmer and a terror.

Interesting articles

a, an, and the come to mind...

The OTHER kind of article

The Internet Argument Corpus
A Persona-Based Neural Conversation Model
Robots talking (more or less)
(I think I shouldn't link to this one) TickTock: A non-goal-oriented multimodal dialog system with engagement awareness
Chatbot Evaluation and Database Expansion via Crowdsourcing
A Wizard-of-Oz Study on A Non-Task-Oriented Dialog Systems That Reacts to User Engagement

What I want to get out of grad school

The list is long. I would like to make a chatbot that can communicate about politics to bring us more together as a nation. I also want to lose lots of sleep working on projects with artifical deadlines.

Some of my old life as a science teacher involved blowing things up

I am sad that you cannot see my photo. I am sorry you can't view this photo either; it's pretty cool Here are some youtube videos:
Making water the fun way!

Making water the fun way!(2)

Making water S-L-O-W-L-Y

Making water inside

More water making

University Doctors making water in slow motion


Notice how the left hand picture shows light both on the dude with his hand in the fire and on the ground.

Notice how the right picture shows two distinct 'balls' of fire, just like the British professors made and talked about in their YouTube video.

And yes, he lost all the hair on his hand, but it is a small price to pay for science!

Many of the resources on this page are used under "fair use" provisions.
This site is set up for public school students. That is: nonprofit educational use.
You are also free to use the material on this site if it is for nonprofit educational use.
I do not give permission to use anything on this site for any for profit or fee-based use.

You might get a sense of my lack of humor by looking at the following:
(in no particular order)
Why do you like to stand outside?
What's up with gravity?
Are you a "real" doctor?
Do you like Bizzaro?
Should you check your spelling?
Science trivia
Let's Think
Trust Me I am a Doctor. Just kidding. I am not a real doctor, but you can still trust me. And I am WAY better looking.

Why do you like to stand outside?

Then if anyone asks, you can say I'm "out-standing."

What's up with gravity?

Nothing! Gravity Sucks!

Are you a "real" doctor?

no

...but I know more about immunology than "Dr." Rand Paul, but that isn't saying much - even Howard Stern knows more about immunolgy than "Dr." Rand Paul.

What are your hobbies?

Susie was naughty this year so Santa is giving her something to erode her self esteem. A bunch of angels looking at their hands as if they had cell phones: 'Most of the new arrivals are incapable of communication. They just keep staring at their hands in despair.'

I like to laugh and make others laugh. I also fix things. I also made a bunch of things made from wood, including wooden pens.

an awesome looking wooden pen

Should you check your spelling?

A man sitting on a tiny island with a huge cherry writing 'help, I am stuck on a dessert island.' He is also sitting on chocolate sauce. Man opens can of beans and a monster comes out. Caption: Creature from the black legumes a billboard saying 'We support our pubic schools.'

Science Trivia

Which is better Star Wars or Star Trek?

How could you even ask that question? Haven't you ever watched The Big Bang Theory ?

What's the best "brain food"?

The Chinese think it is fish brains. Zombies think it is just plain brains. I can't decide which one is right.

What is your favorite demonstration?

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.
I like to blow things up, but blowing the whole UNIVERSE up? It's totally mind blowing, man. Of course, I'll probably be dead for tax reasons...

What do you think of drones?

They just go on and on and on.
Oh, you mean those things that fly... Yeah, I made one of those, but the stupid pilot kept crashing it and I got tired of fixing it. Yeah, I was the lousy pilot. My Bad.

Doctor Science, can you tell me what's wrong with me?

Yes!

...but you don't want to know.

Nobel Prize winning physicist, Richard Feynman once wrote a book called: "What Do You Care What Other People Think? So, what do you think?

I don't.

That same Nobel Prize winning physicist, Richard Feyman, wrote another book called: "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feyman?" Was he joking?

No, he wasn't, but he should have taken more chemistry.

I should explain this more, because no one ever seems to get it. The problem, of course, is that if you have to explain the joke, it no longer is funny. Or more accurately, it was never funny to begin with. Anyway, the title of the book comes from a time when Dr. Feyman was asked if he wanted lemon or milk in his tea. He said he wanted both. The host replied, "Surely, you must be joking, Mr. Feyman." He thought he committed a social faux pas. In fact, he didn't understand some basic kitchen chemistry. That is if you mix an acid like lemon juice with milk you get curtled milk. In fact, that is one way to make cheese used in Indian dishes. So, maybe you didn't laugh, but maybe you learned something? Either about how to make cheese or about how we are all flawed.

Do you have an inventions?

We invented something we like to call the anti-ouija board - ajiuo board © ® to be more confusing. Instead of trying to ask dead people for advice, we decided to tell dead people what to do. First we tried drilling long holes in cemeteries and yelling down tubes we stuck in the holes, but the police made us stop. After years of research, we came up with the ajiuo board © ®. Granted, it only has three possible picks, but all have them have worked. They are "Don't move," "Stay dead" (sorry, you zomby lovers), and "Stay there." We tried to add "Rot" and "Decay" and "Spread your ashes out some more," but not everyone was cooperating...

Terry Pratchet once wrote a book called: "Hogfather" What is it about?

It is basically a cross between Downton Abbey and The Santa Clause with different accents and a really cool white streak of hair.

Terry Pratchet once wrote a book called: "Mort." How does it end?

IT'S TIME TO GO NOW!

Time to think...

Have a question for me? email me at brschwar@ucsc.edu